短文寫作（共1題；滿分30分）

請(qǐng)你根據(jù)以下提示，結(jié)合你生活中的一個(gè)事例，用英語(yǔ)寫一篇短文。

Honesty means always telling the truth and never cheating. Honesty is a kind of courage and responsibility, an invisible power and wealth. Honesty wins trust, respect and friendship. So it pays to be honest.

注意: 1、無(wú)須寫標(biāo)題，不得照抄英語(yǔ)提示語(yǔ)

2、內(nèi)容必須結(jié)合你生活中的一個(gè)事例

3、文中不得透露個(gè)人姓名和學(xué)校名稱

4、詞數(shù)不少于120字，如引用提示語(yǔ)則不計(jì)入總數(shù)

 

 

 

 

 

One possible version

Honesty means always telling the truth.Also, honesty is a kind of courage and responsibility,which can not only win trust but also happiness.

When I was 5, I fell in love with chocolate. One day, I was eager to have some chocolate but without money. And I stole some money from my mom’s wallet and bought a lot. But when I was about to enjoy it, I saw Mom looking for money worriedly. Seeing Mom, I felt sorry for what I had done. The chocolate was not delicious anymore. I gathered courage to tell her what I had done and waited for another storm. To my surprise , Mom smiled instead of being angry with me. She said ,”You are a great girl because of your honesty, though you have made a mistake.”

So essential was honesty that it helped me gain happiness again.What’s more, it also deepens the love between Mom and me. (160words)

【解析】

試題分析：題目要求根據(jù)英文提示并結(jié)合事例寫一篇短文。提示語(yǔ)的意思是“誠(chéng)實(shí)意味著永遠(yuǎn)講真話，從不欺騙。誠(chéng)實(shí)是一種勇氣、 責(zé)任、 無(wú)形的力量和財(cái)富。為人誠(chéng)信可以贏得信任、 尊重和友誼。所以誠(chéng)信是很值得的”。文章無(wú)須寫標(biāo)題，不得照抄英語(yǔ)提示語(yǔ)；內(nèi)容必須結(jié)合生活中的一個(gè)事例，文中不得透露個(gè)人姓名和學(xué)校名稱。詞數(shù)不少于120字，如引用提示語(yǔ)則不計(jì)入總數(shù)。

亮點(diǎn)說明：

本文抓住了提示語(yǔ)的重點(diǎn)，用通俗易懂的事例向我們闡述了做一個(gè)勇于承認(rèn)、勇于擔(dān)當(dāng)?shù)恼\(chéng)實(shí)的人的好處：不僅能洗刷自己心中的愧疚，還能贏得她人的肯定與理解。文中運(yùn)用了許多固定短語(yǔ)，如fell in love with, be eager to, be about to, not any more,to my surprise， instead of...這些都顯示了作者良好的日常積累。其次，文章中時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句的使用如But when I was about to enjoy it, I saw Mom..., 現(xiàn)在分詞做伴隨狀語(yǔ)的使用如Seeing Mom, I felt sorry for what I had done，倒裝句的使用如So essential was honesty that it helped me gain happiness again，都為文章增色不少。

問題說明：

首先，文章第一段基本完全引用了題目英文提示語(yǔ)，盡管確有文采，但卻違反了題目明確標(biāo)注的注意事項(xiàng)，也給閱卷者一種“作者詞窮”的感覺。其次，文章第一段單純議論，第二段直接舉例，顯得十分突兀，可在第一段斷尾或第二段段首加一句過渡語(yǔ)，如For me, i can’t agree with it more等。另外，文章有幾處都略顯Chinglish，如I was eager to have some chocolate but without money等，可改為I was eager to have some chocolate but i suffered a lack of money。最后，文章結(jié)尾處犯了明顯的時(shí)態(tài)錯(cuò)誤，deepens應(yīng)改為deepened。

考點(diǎn)：事例類作文

 

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