Question

5．假如你是李華．你的朋友Tom給你寫信訴說(shuō)心中的煩惱：自己每天忙于學(xué)習(xí)，朋友很少，感覺(jué)很孤獨(dú)，盡管自己也想改變這種狀況，但不知該如何去做．現(xiàn)在請(qǐng)你寫封回信，給他提供一些建議．內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)如下：
1．羞澀、不自信可能是問(wèn)題所在；
2．微笑拉近與同學(xué)的距離；
3．多與同學(xué)單獨(dú)交流．
注意：1．詞數(shù)100左右；開(kāi)頭已給出，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)．
2．可以適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，以使行文連貫．
Dear Tom，
   From your letter I know that you spend most of your time studying and hardly talk to your classmates．You feel quite lonely and wish to have good friends!
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________

                                                             Yours，
                                                             Li Hua．

Answer 1

分析 題目要求給朋友Tom寫一封回信，就Tom遇到的問(wèn)題給他提一些建議．寫作要點(diǎn)包括：?jiǎn)栴}可能在于不自信；用微笑拉近距離；多與同學(xué)交流等方面，詞數(shù)在100詞左右，開(kāi)頭和結(jié)尾不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)；注意書信的格式；不要出現(xiàn)標(biāo)點(diǎn)和拼寫錯(cuò)誤，盡量保持卷面整潔、字體美觀；注意行文的連貫性．
亮點(diǎn)說(shuō)明：范文涵蓋了所給要點(diǎn)，并注意語(yǔ)句的連貫性，也進(jìn)行了適當(dāng)?shù)耐卣�；范文還使用了定語(yǔ)從句、狀語(yǔ)從句等語(yǔ)法知識(shí)，具備較強(qiáng)的語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用能力．
語(yǔ)法方面：定語(yǔ)從句with whom you feel you have a lot in common；時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句when they are alone；條件句Once you have more confidence；固定句型find it easier to start等，顯示了較強(qiáng)的語(yǔ)法功底，使作文句式多樣；
篇章結(jié)構(gòu)方面：范文注意使用First of all，The next thing，and等來(lái)銜接句子和段落，使表達(dá)變得很有條理；
短語(yǔ)和搭配方面：范文使用了have a lot in common，talk to，instead of，as many friends as you want等，使作文的內(nèi)容變得充實(shí)．

解答 Dear Tom，
From your letter I know that you spend most of your time studying and hardly talk to your classmates．You feel quite lonely and wish to have good friends!I think your problem is mainly about confidence．Don't be shy．Look at your classmates．Are there any people with whom you feel you have a lot in common？（高分句型）
First of all，you must smile at your classmates．One smile speaks louder about your wish to make friends than any words．
The next thing to do is try to talk to your classmates．The best time to do this is between classes or during your lunch break．You may find it easier to start by talking to people when they are alone，instead of in a group．（高分句型）
Smile first，talk next and slowly you will make friends．Once you have more confidence，you can make as many friends as you want．（高分句型）
Yours，
Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng) 應(yīng)該注意適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)以使行文連貫，比如適當(dāng)選用表示因果、遞進(jìn)、轉(zhuǎn)折關(guān)系的連接詞，使文章流暢、通順，并避免因反復(fù)使用句式相同的簡(jiǎn)單句而造成的單調(diào)感．（1）認(rèn)真審題，確定體裁． （2）構(gòu)思要點(diǎn)．根據(jù)題目要求，理解要表達(dá)的要點(diǎn)．設(shè)計(jì)好文章的層次段落，考慮所用時(shí)態(tài)、人稱等，把要點(diǎn)串聯(lián)起來(lái)，構(gòu)成文章框架．（3）選詞造句，避難選易．（4）認(rèn)真檢查，避免錯(cuò)誤．仔細(xì)閱讀全文，查找是否有錯(cuò)，注意時(shí)態(tài)、單詞拼寫、字母大小寫、標(biāo)點(diǎn)是否有誤，句式是否正確．邏輯是否一致．